Dear Irene,

It feels terrible to act or feel vulnerable nowadays. 

It’s like I loathe every softness I feel within the chambers of my heart, and I feel weak to have one shoulder to rely on.

And every time I catch myself indulging in the comfort of my own femininity, it makes me want to disappear and to “man up”. And I catch myself loathing towards the thought of being with a man and sharing romance with one. 

I could have sworn that I was just one step towards building a healthy connection with someone to experience love, but now my brain decided that I have to just forget that idea. I can do things on my own.