We've grown so much. 

One day I continued wishing to see everyone grow, because I had an idea about how everyone might be when they are older. They are my fighters, my own rivals, my love, my life, my blood. If anyone kept on thinking and remembering about how inconsiderate and annoying my siblings were before, who would have thought they are my best of friends now? They are the pillar of my own strength, and they continue to defend me, anytime.

Who would have thought I would find myself having heart to heart talk with them now, sharing my problems, secrets and thoughts because we are all the ship crews and we are all rowing this boat in our different positions. Not me. I truthfully hadn't expected this. 

My childhood was full of insecured communication with every members in my family, during that time it felt as if I was mute, I couldn't get my needs met, I couldn't communicate my overwhelming thoughts, and at most of the time I would observe the whole picture to understand how I was supposed to react to certain events. If I hated my siblings back then for making me cry, making me less worthy, I couldn't feel the same way about them anymore. This time, I truly love them. I want them to forever know that I love them all my heart. 

I am exceptionally grateful that all of us are still together during this whole pandemic. At first we felt awkward having to get close to each other, but we then find our ways to each other and learned how to adapt to the different personalities and tolerate them. I truly wouldn't want to trade a time spent for my family with anything else in the world. I wouldn't want to miss every getaway with my only sister and being the neutralizer to her crazy ass when she feels drained from work. I wouldn't want to miss my casual banter with each one of my brothers. I wouldn't want to miss their priceless reactions when they discovered I stole and played their playlist. " Hey, that's my song!!!!", or when boboy said, "you poser for listening to Lil Peep" in our family roadtrip to the river. I wouldn't want to miss us playing in the water, stepping sones, and laying down with river rocks supporting our backs, holding hands together in the middle of that river and sitting cross-legged in a big rock, pretending to do yoga like a bunch of idiots. I wouldn't want to miss boboy casually interframed in my pictures despite his aloofness. I wouldn't want to miss him passing the b-ball to me in Sports Direct and telling me he wouldn't want to buy shorts for me, because I would wear them outside. I wouldn't want to miss our public birthday wishes and embarrasing photo posts on Instagram. I wouldn't want to miss flexing with the 'most main character' in our sibling about who has the dopest outfit, room design, or music playlist. And I wouldn't want to miss my adorable moments with the little one, when he annoys me, being clingy with me, randomly thinking and prioritising me when we play games, watching movie or when he cooks something new. I truly don't want to miss our precious moments of debating, exchanging thoughts & idea and life planning discussions during dinners. 

Although at most of the time these gremlins annoy me but I am deeply thankful for all these precious moments. I will still continue to collect them everyday, book and record them, just so I won't forget my precious youth with them.