Dear Irene,

I haven’t cried this hard for 1 year. I am sobbing pathetically loud as I write this like it was 2020 again. I have poor methods of expressing my emotions and thoughts now, and it feels like I am back to repressing every single little issues again. Why am I this way? I need new methods of dealing with this. I’ve been clean for almost a year now. But when I feel this intensely, it drives me to sh again. I know I have to stop it. It’s addictive, and it’s also the only method that I know for now, but I want to stop feeling negative too. Stop, this..burst..this bubble— I don’t know what kind of thing I’m stuck in right now but I just want to get out of this. Please.

Irene. I am extremely exhausted. I cannot think, Irene. I cannot feel. 

The difference between me and a dead man is that my brain is so alive. 

But I cannot function. 

Irene. 

How do I do this?