Maybe it would be nice to romanticise my campus in Cyberjaya for the very last time 😊 maybe it'll be something that I'll keep in my mind forever.

Despite the burn outs, the crying of blood and tears during the very final year, but I found happiness, true friends and most importantly an expensive knowledge that to this day, assist me to achieve my dreams.

Developing leaderships, knowing what it's like to be in an important position, navigating the group members and learning my weaknesses. 

Although I failed for a few times but I am so goddamn proud of those things.

Final year is so goddamn hard, especially when you gradually became a lone wolf. With not that many people to turn to when you needed someone, with the ones who tried to pull you down when you were already at the lowest point.

But that's normal. Not really something everyone would naturally experience but that's normal. I continue to pat my own back, "get over it. You'll be fine." After all, I regretted the past when I relied on someone heavily and getting gaslighted and slowly dimming down my light. But that's all good. I learned that eventually I have to rely heavily on myself, provide everything for myself. People come and go, and before they leave, they'll make sure to burn you first.

Apart from that, my expensive knowledge on psychology shapes my view, my knowledge about the human brain. So I am constantly using this knowledge for my little world, and educating them.

The brief call with my dearest friend, Prem was so unexpected, yet fulfilling. I needed someone to talk to — to tell how panicked I was. It happened when I was taking a nap this evening after tidying my room. I woke up as soon as I received the call from him and picked it up. So when he asked, “how are you?” That was when I started to confess how anxious I was and how much the final paper troubled me. It was all great, he continued to motivate me telling me that it’ll all be worth it — all of my anxiety, my worry, my sleepless nights; they will all mean too much someday. 

He continued to say how much he will be there, no matter what on my graduation. He knew that I was somewhat thinking about how it’ll be depressing to be all alone with no one I know to graduate with. He understood that. He said he would celebrate my little achievements — that he would come over to bring some snacks to celebrate when I finish all this. After all, I am one of his only friends. It means so much to me. And it motivates me too. I couldn’t stop thanking him for everything, for being there in ever step, every moment. 

“You are a good presenter. I’m confident that you’ll do well again this time.”

“But that was long time ago. Literally ages ago.”

“No, I’m sure.” 

He added, “if you’re too anxious again, you can call me always.”

I felt like crying. He is the only friend that keeps looking out for me after they all graduated. He asked my every progress, he helped me with everything that he could. How lucky am I to not be so alone when everything fell apart back in 2019?! He stood by me, he continued to support me as if he was my Vice President again. I’m thankful. He is my most dearest friend. 

Our friendship isn’t so high maintenance. We talk occasionally, casually, about formal things. As if he was trying to be there for me all the time but not every time.